She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
