We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
