you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
