Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
