Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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