connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
