Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
