Umm I'm too high to move.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
