You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
