why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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