I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
