So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
