1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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