if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
