I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
