i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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