Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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