i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
