I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
