You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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