Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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