Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
