You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my shit smells like andre
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
