Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
