i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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