He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
