Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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