Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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