the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
