Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize