You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
