what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
