Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
