Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
