OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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