Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
