he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
