Jerry, you need to find god
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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