I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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