things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
