how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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