just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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