OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Buhtt sex?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize