hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sext me about skeletons
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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