I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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