Old men and throwing up are my life now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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