He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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