Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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