You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my liver is dry heaving
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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