True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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