oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
