I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can tuck mytits in my pants
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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