I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
