Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
