i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
