We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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