he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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