They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
