I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
