Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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