I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
