the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
