Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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