i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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