it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
