so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
