he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
