More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
