We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
