You really coming over, don't trick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
