Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In America we eat man semen.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
