i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
