I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
